“Choosy Moms Choose Jif”

 

The video I chose for your essay was a YouTube video about what people who are vegetarian are told by non-vegetarians. I think this video complicated your essay, and maybe you could talk more about how other people treated you as a vegetarian versus who you were usually treated. I was curious to know more about your decision to be a vegetarian for a week, and I think if you explained it more in depth, your essay would be stronger. I know you briefly mentioned that you only really ate chicken, so maybe you can talk about why you only ate chicken, and what about the other meats you did not like about it or if you have any beliefs that pertain to you not eating particular meats. I think having the thinking behind your decision would make the reader better understand where you are coming from. Furthermore, for your revision I would definitely focus on the contrast you found during your Spring Break: you can choose what you eat but those who are less fortunate can’t. You can definitely explore in your essay the cultural norm of food consumption, and how you didn’t realize how it could be different in other countries.

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“Treat. Yo. Self”

For your essay, I chose the YouTube link above. It is a scene from Parks and Recreation, and the two characters (I don’t really watch the show so I don’t know their names, sorry) take out one of their friends for a day. Throughout the scene, they decide to treat themselves to things that make them happy. I think this scene can expand upon what you started in your essay. I like the idea of your investigation, but I would also like to see you explain in more depth what your daily routine is like so the reader can see how stressed or unhappy you are on a daily basis. This way, we can compare how you are when you treat yourself to when how you are usually (this connects to the end of the video scene when the friend begins to cry). I think the contrast would make your essay stronger, and show the reader that you are changing your daily routine because it took me a little while to figure out what you were investigating. I think it would also be interesting if you decided to treat a friend. Maybe you could talk about how doing something nice for someone else, or how making their day made you feel, and what their reaction to you doing something nice for them was.

Linyun’s Investigation Essay

100 Benefits of Meditation

I believe the article above that lists 100 benefits of meditation will complicate your essay. Right now, you only have one instance of you being alone, and I am not sure it is a thorough enough experiment for your paper. I would suggest maybe meditating for 30 minutes or so each day for a week, and seeing how your life changes. Maybe you become a more positive person, more productive, or something like that? You could describe how your life was before you meditated, and maybe the challenges with finding the time out of your busy schedule to meditate.

I thought you had some moments of really good description while you were alone in your essay, but I wanted to know more about your usually everyday life. Are you always so busy you don’t have time for yourself? What are you so busy doing? I feel that the more you describe your life, the more the reader will be understand you better.

Xuefei Hu’s Investigation Essay

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/the-things-living-alone-will-teach-you-about-yourself-224760

I think the article above might help you expand upon your essay. The article lists the things you learn by living by yourself, and I think if you more deeply explored what you learned about yourself when you lived alone, it will help the reader get a better understanding of the type of person you are. I think that doing something at the end of your essay of the things you learned about yourself after you had a roommate would also help the reader see how much you have changed, if at all.

To make your essay stronger, I would like to learn what your expectations were for having a roommate. Have you heard any terrible roommate stories from your friends and were really nervous? Or did you expect that it would be really fun and exciting, and you were looking forward to it? I think contrasting your expectations with the reality of living with your roommate would allow the reader to better understand what you are going through. Also, I wanted to know more about Z.Y. How well did you know him? I feel that if he was a friend you may be more comfortable with rooming with him, but if not then it might be more nerve-wracking. I would also like to know if you asked him any questions about how he lives before you asked him to move in with you like when he sleeps, whether he is neat or messy, and whether he is a morning or night person.

“America’s Addiction”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/17/coffee-health-benefits_n_4102133.html

I think the article I posted above complicates your essay. In your essay, you talk about the negative withdrawal symptoms and the dangers of physical dependance on coffee. However, the Huffington Post article I found suggests that there are major health benefits that come with drinking coffee. It would be interesting if you compared these benefits to the negatives and talked about whether you believe it is overall better or worse to drink coffee.

I really enjoyed your voice in the essay. I thought you did a good job with showing how your brain was working while you were off coffee. I think to make this essay stronger, you could go in depth into your daily routine when you drank coffee. Were you more energetic? Were you more motivated? I think going through your normal routine and then describing your withdrawal from coffee will better help the reader understand the large impact that coffee has on your life. I would also push you to stay off coffee for as long as possible and see if your craving goes away, or if you always are drawn to coffee.

“Will I ever finish my homework at a reasonable hour”

 

I feel that the video above complicates your essay. You talk about how you want to try to eliminate distractions and start studying in the library instead of at home, and this video argues that maybe you should do both: study at home and in the library. Studies have shown that being inconsistent in your studying habits can help you retain more information and make you more productive. So maybe going forward with your essay, you spend a week where one day you study at home and the other day you study in the library? How did you find the library atmosphere compared to your home one? Do you think you were more productive in the library than home? I would also like to know if you find yourself getting very distracted when you work at home. Are you almost too comfortable? Do you fall asleep or end up getting up and walking around and eating instead of doing work? I feel that as much information as you can describe and give the reader about your studying habits and what you want to change by going to the library will make your essay stronger.

Azalea’s Investigation

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150706-the-woman-who-barely-sleeps

The article above explains a case of Abby Ross who only needs four hours of sleep a night to function. She feels energetic as she wakes up at four or five in the morning every day, and was able to finish college in two and a half years. She gets an extra 60 days a year of extra time because she is not sleeping. Her and other “short-sleepers” have a certain mutated gene that allows them to function with little sleep just as well as others who need the usual recommended amount.

I feel that the article complicates your rough draft. As an avid napper myself, I understand the struggle of wanting to sleep but having so much work to do. In your essay, I would like to know if you felt any more energetic than you usually do when you didn’t nap. Did you get used to it after a couple days? Did you feel that you got a better night’s sleep when you didn’t nap? I think addressing these questions and ones related to them will make your essay stronger and give the reader a better understanding of how this investigation changed your life and energy levels. Also, I would like to know if you wish you needed less sleep to function. Do you envy your roommate and wish you had more free time that you didn’t need to spend napping?