David’s Personal Narrative Essay Draft


I feel that the image above can be used to expand upon your essay. Obviously, the meme is an over exaggeration, but while I was reading your essay I found myself wondering if anyone ever thought you were a “jerk” for being so competitive. Or, if you ever thought of yourself as one. Did you ever act a certain way and then reflect and wish you hadn’t acted that way? I think exploring this side of competitiveness could serve to bring deeper depth to your essay. I also think you could go into more detail about your role on the soccer team. Were you the best? How did your teammates treat you? How did you treat your teammates? I think that if the reader knows how you acted around others and what your relationships were like, the reader could better understand your competitiveness. I also wanted to know if there was ever an instance that you lost, and how did you deal with this loss? Did you deny that you lost and claim you won like your friend did when you were younger, or did you accept it? How did it affect you, and how long did it take you get over? Exploring these avenues in your narrative, I think, would make your paper stronger.


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